Almost immediately after the publication of my first book, Why a Daughter Needs a Dad: A Hundred Reasons, a book I wrote for my daughter Meagan, I began to receive email from readers asking, “What about moms?” Some were simply curious if a daughter-mom book was on my radar screen, others were rather indignant I had not written it first. All agreed mothers and daughters share a special relationship that deserved to be memorialized in a book.
Of course, I was well aware of the importance of moms in every child’s life – after all, I have a mother of my own. Memories of my childhood always include the many things my mother did to make sure I was well cared for and happy. She cooked my favorite foods, tended to my cuts and bruises, drove me to baseball practice, helped with my homework assignments, wiped away my tears, and endured the existential drama of my teen years, all the while making sure not one of her other four children were overlooked.
The truth be told, my mother did many things for me, most remembered, some forgotten, that when taken one at a time may seem somewhat inconsequential. But when all those things she did are taken together, the sum total staggers the mind. While I cannot think of a single super hero moment, I can think of thousands of little moments that added up like coins in a jar. Neither I nor my siblings can fathom the number and range of ways our mother has influenced the outcome of our lives.
Further proof of the importance of moms, especially in a daughter’s life, came to me courtesy of my child, Meagan.
While Meagan and I enjoyed a close and playful relationship in her youth, things began to change as she entered her teen years. Soon, it was to her mother whom she looked first and with whom she preferred to share her secrets. It became her mother instead of me who my child sought out for consolation, protection, and understanding.
Theirs was a language of shoes, seasonal clothing, reality television, and desserts that contained not a single calorie. Theirs was a relationship that at times I could not understand, at times was jealous of, and yet understood clearly was needed and deserved. It was for my ex-wife and my daughter that I eventually wrote the book Why a Daughter Needs a Mom: 100 Reasons.
And just as had happened after my first book was released, letters from mothers and daughters began appearing in my email.
Daughters wrote of how their mothers had always been there for them, holding their hands when they were afraid, tucking them in a night, baking green bread or cookies for Saint Patrick’s day, mending Barbie clothes, helping with weddings and coaching them during labor, never skipping a beat while wiping perspiration or calming a hyperventilating husband. I read tales of mothers sending change of address notices to Santa and the Easter Bunny, and mothers who set aside the enjoyment of their retirement years to care for a sick grandbaby with needs too great for an ordinary daycare to handle.
I also sat back and thought of my wife and how she has helped me not only with my step-daughter, Linley, but with Meagan, too. Jill has a talent for bringing a laugh to tense moments, of teaching me to ignore the pesky things the girls do that used to get my goat, of gently advising me in a way that I can listen to what she wants me to know or do differently. I jokingly say (well, sometimes seriously) she is helping me undo the damage I did to myself living so many years as a single dad with a willful daughter.
All in all, drawing from the daughter-mom correspondence and my observations of the three women in my household, I pay tribute to mothers and daughters for the beautiful relationship they share and how they enrich the lives of those nearest them. For as much as I’d like to believe that I’m an awesome dad and my daughter and step-daughter have bonded with me solely on the merits of my interactions with them, I know that the truth is I could never have become as close to either of them if not for help and influence of their mothers.
Moms, I hope that when you finish this book you will experience the gratifying sensation that comes after receiving affirmation and applause from your child. And daughters, after you’ve turned the last page, I hope you’ll give your mom a call to say “Thanks for everything.” And I hope you will have a better idea of what you are in for when you become a mother, too.
